I made a commitment to myself in my last breakup not to say or think anything damaging to myself or my ex. Most of us don’t do so intentionally, but we do it because we don't want to face our own pain. You’ve heard that, right? We’re all a bunch of living creatures, walking around hurting one another. Not worth it.ĭo not say or do anything to harm yourself or your ex. I fell right back into a deep depression, one in which I had just begun coming out of. Now, I'm aware this could have been much worse, but at the time we had been planning on moving in together. This news smacked the hard reality of the relationship's demise right across my face (because in our fragile states reality just keeps on slipping away). I saw a post on his wall with a mention about moving into a new place with friends. It just opened up a valve of grief I'd held closed for a very long time.Īfter About a month of radio silence I chose to look at his Facebook page. My last breakup was the worst of the worst, and it's not even a horrendous breakup story. My advice? Do it with as few casualties as possible.ĭo not look at your ex’s social media. It's not cool to use other people to numb your pain.ĭating too soon is an attempt to avoid the unavoidable.
You will know when it's time to start dating, and the best time is usually once you've done a good bit of reflecting and healed some of the relationship patterns that keep you heartbroken. When you're not ready to date yet, you're just not ready. I know very few people who Netflix & Chill without drama going down eventually, swiping through profiles online is a fantastic waste of time and also a quick way to get depressed by your options fast, and binge-dating isn't fair to anyone going out with you. We typically convince ourselves we're sending the email to "speak our truth" or just "get it out." Almost always, we want a response from them, and the deepest truth is we want them to give us hope that there's a chance.ĭo not use other people to numb your pain. None of these emails, in any of my breakups, has served me. We will often say hurtful things or express our victimhood in an attempt to be acknowledged.
#Radio silence breakup series#
I have sent an email or a series of emails that said too much. This has always been the greatest regret of any of my breakups. Trust that you broke up for a reason and focus on healing. Forgetting all of the painful moments and focusing on the love is a part of the breakup experience. Humans are biologically wired to become attached to one another for survival sake. Because we didn't trust our decision, we created a lot more suffering for ourselves by being on-again, off-again. Except for that tiny little fact that we wanted completely different things from life and weren’t willing to compromise to be together. I remember being utterly convinced that one of my breakups was ludicrous because we loved each other. On one hand this is true, love saves the day. Suddenly, in one swift Eureka! moment, we realize that there is, in fact, a solution to every single problem we've ever had. When a breakup has been prolonged (think the same fight on repeat), when it’s finally over we forget all the ways it wasn’t working.
Here are 5 things you should not do after a breakup: Instead, most of us attempt to lessen the pain by doing things, and the things we choose to do end up hurting us more than healing us.
#Radio silence breakup full#
We're not functioning at our full capacity, and our souls are yearning for healing. Making sense of what was happening to my life felt close to impossible.Īs our systems are trying to recover, we're fragile, disoriented, and heavily stressed. During this delicate time we shouldn’t be taking a whole lot of action. Moment-to-moment decisions were extremely challenging. I knew that my brain, my body, and my emotions were working together to help me survive after that breakup, and that meant I was a wreck. I knew that my hypothalamus was stressed the f*** out so it decided to send out a hormone to suppress my appetite. I knew cortisol was being released in dangerous heaps turning me into an insomniac. I knew that my heart physically hurt because stress hormones were narrowing my arteries. Our brains become wired to our partners, and when they leave deep fears of abandonment resurface that cause serious emotional, mental, and even physical pain. Unwanted breakups, regardless of circumstances, are not only emotionally devastating, but they also affect us physiologically.